Dedication

It's funny isnt it? How on fire for Christ we can feel and then just have the world run away with us... Well that has happened to me and it seems to have happened here (which is OK!!!) I have been reading multiple readings a day to get caught up and it feels great to get back into the bible. It is unbelievable how inspiring and refreshing moving through the word is for the soul. One minute you feel trapped and the next minute you are reading the answer to your problem written centuries ago...that is not a coincidence. The Lord has called upon us to be the Church and not church in yeah i will see you sunday and ask how you week was sense of the word. Jesus has given us an intimate relationship with fellow believers. This thing we call church does not begin and end between 9am-11am sunday mornings. This is what we live...we are the church we get to choose when we do something about it. When Jesus was choosing his disciples he did not go and search for the most experienced men in the world. He did not look for teachers and rabbis. Jesus chose those who would be dedicated, not experienced. Peter and Andrew were just kids somewhere between upper teens and lower twenties...my age. Peter was 100% dedicated to Jesus. So dedicated in fact that he just did everything as passionate as he could. In Matthew 16:21-24 Peter says that Jesus could never be killled and Jesus says, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." 14:27-32 Jesus walks on the water towards the disciples on the boat and Peter says "Lord, if it is you, tell me to come to you on the water." Matthew 16:17-19 Jesus tells Peter that he will be the rock that the church is built upon and that hades will not overcome it. I am so moved by Peter's story. I wish i could fail as well as he could...you know? All the stuff that he did wrong, the risks he took because of how passionate he was. We do not have to be experienced or wise or the best at praying out-loud or even consistent in our online writings, all that is asked of us is that we try with everything we have, the good and the bad. It is through our struggles that our faith is strengthened and in those moments dedication is all we have to carry us through. So, read....post who cares if you are caught up. Share what is on your heart, share what troubles you, ask questions, share your passion for the Lord and we will walk with you down this intimate path learning together about the one who forged the way for us. And through our passionate struggles and beautiful victories we can have the church built on us, everyday...

Psalm 89

I think it's fascinating that Psalm 88 which is full of despair and pain and searching for God is followed by a Psalm that sings His praises!! The last line of Psalm 88 says: "You made lover and neighbor alike dump me; the only friend I have left is Darkness." (Msg). The first line of Psalm 89 says: "Your love O God is my song, and I'll sing it! I'm forever telling everyone how faithful you are." Not so long ago I would have been totally confused by the stark contrast of these lines, but in the last few months I've begun to understand this a bit more. I used to be afraid of this aspect of God - the one that was so unpredictable, the one that could create such mixed feelings within me. If my life was going well I wouldn't allow myself to enjoy it - I was always waiting for the "other shoe to drop" (as my Grandma used to say) - all because I was afraid of the the unpredictable nature of God. I wouldn't let myself feel "good" because I didn't want to feel "bad". By doing so I was denying the essence of who I am - a human being created by God to experience all He has for me, the good and the bad. So I'm working on it. When the bad times come (and they do) I'm trying to feel the pain of my brokenness and bring it before God, much as the Psalmist did in Psalm 88. And when the good times are here I'm trying to enter into them and enjoy them, bringing my joy before Him just as I did my brokenness. It's not easy. I've a lifetime of habits to change, but it's worth it. I'm learning to embrace the tears and pain just as much as the laughter!!

I'm standing my ground

What desperation there is in this Psalm! What pain, anger, betrayal and abandonment the Psalmist conveys! And it's all directed at God! What courage it takes to do that - to be gut level honest with God about how you feel toward Him in your darkest hours. Yet even in the midst of his pain, the Psalmist declares, "I'm standing my ground, God, shouting for help" (vs 13 Msg). As hurt and angry as he is - even though God is silent and the Psalmist feels abandoned - his faith is strong! He plants his feet and says "I'm here! Even though I can't see or hear you, I know You're here, too. I'm not moving. I'll stand here in my pain as long as it takes." I believe this is the essence of Grace Groups - allowing ourselves to feel the deepest, darkest pain imaginable, knowing that even though it seems we are alone our God is with us. I believe that even though He knows that we are hurting, He wants us to express that pain to Him, much as the Psalmist did. We cry out, we howl, we moan, we writhe in our pain and when we are exhausted from crying He's there and we realize He was holding us and crying with us and loving us. (A side note - Psalm 89 begins "You're love, God, is my song and I'll sing it").

Nothing is the same...

I wanted to respond to Sussy's question...I guess instead of reading I decided I'd watch The Passion again. Part of it was still so vivid in my mind from watching it last year and yet part of me was drawn to watching it all again so I never forget...parts I couldn't watch, parts encouraged me. Remember at times when He was teaching He'd talk about loving our enemies, with His dicisples He would tell them that if they/we loved Him that those who hated Him will also hate us. While carrying the cross in a passage way He fell and His mother ran to Him (remembering when He was small), He said to her something like "I make all things new". In everything Jesus went through NONE of it was deserved...I really can't understand God loving any of us enough to put His Son through all He suffered. It makes no sense...neither does forgiving our enemies, or those who do evil and need to be brought to justice...but then NOTHING I watched in The Passion makes any sense to me either...all things will be new, different. What does He mean? Different? Different from how and what I think should be done? None of us, the righteous, the religious, the evil, the sinners, the saved...none of us deserve His forgiveness. After watching and seeing all the blood that was shed through out His suffering, I am humbled just thinking that my sins (the sins of the world) are washed away in His shed blood. For some reason, I'm finding it easier to admit that NOTHING in my walk with Christ, nothing going on in this world makes sense. It is almost certain that if I think something should be done a certain way...like giving justice out to those who deserve it, rejoiceing when the evil get punished..I can almost bank on it...Everything will be different, ie. NOT my way but His. He will judge and He will forgive whom He choses...I don't get His thinking, or understand His heart...It just seems so often to be just the opposite of my heart. Someday, all things will be new...and exactly as He desires them to be. "All thing will be new" and they will make sense to us then...just not yet.

Fat Cats

I am so stoked! My Bible Psalm 72:7 says,"These fat cats have everything their hearts could ever wish for!" The psalmist is describing envying the proud and wicked--living a life of ease and plenty. Then realizing how senseless that is--that we are in his right hand, guiding us, leading us to a glorious destiny. Awesome.

I was wondering...Proverbs 24:17-18 says, "Don't rejoice when your enemies fall; don't be happy when they stumble. For the Lord will be displeased with you and will turn his anger away from them." Is this different from the many psalms that pray for enemies to fall? Is that praying for justice--not delighting in the downfall of the wicked? In my mind, I thought that they were the same...but I'm not thinking so much now.

the evil spirit knew what I sometimes doubt

Luke 4:31-36
I was challenged by what the evil spirit shouted..."Ha! What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth,....I know who you are--the Holy One of God." There are days I'm not AMAZED with His teaching. I struggle with His authority, His timing, even His gentleness that cast out the demons that threw the man down (I'm sure the evil spirits would have wanted to destroy the man) but "they" came out without injuring him. That had to be God's authority over evil.

So...in the space of three verses I'm questioning; His authority, Who He is, His care for people, His gentleness, His power. As His child I struggle with these things...the Who He is things. I'm humbled by an evil spirit who didn't second guess or question my Jesus but knew Who He was/is.

I want to say,"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! THE HOLY ONE OF GOD!! ...so I will trust You.

Strange ideas

Luke 6:35 "Love your enemies. Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are thankful and wicked."

Whoa. Hold the boat. This is insane. I can understand forgiving your enemy, blessing your enemy, praying for your enemy and showing kindness to your enemy. I don't love it, but I understand Jesus' point. I don't understand just lending to them. That seems crazy. I don't consider money to be one of my big idols--maybe it is. Seems like you're putting yourself out there to get hosed. Is that language to strong for this blog? Sorry ! Maybe I'm really locked into my kingdom more than His.

On a lighter note, during this blustery day, Gracie and I were watching the trees blow in the wind. She giggled and said, "Those trees are dancing!"