Psalm 89

I think it's fascinating that Psalm 88 which is full of despair and pain and searching for God is followed by a Psalm that sings His praises!! The last line of Psalm 88 says: "You made lover and neighbor alike dump me; the only friend I have left is Darkness." (Msg). The first line of Psalm 89 says: "Your love O God is my song, and I'll sing it! I'm forever telling everyone how faithful you are." Not so long ago I would have been totally confused by the stark contrast of these lines, but in the last few months I've begun to understand this a bit more. I used to be afraid of this aspect of God - the one that was so unpredictable, the one that could create such mixed feelings within me. If my life was going well I wouldn't allow myself to enjoy it - I was always waiting for the "other shoe to drop" (as my Grandma used to say) - all because I was afraid of the the unpredictable nature of God. I wouldn't let myself feel "good" because I didn't want to feel "bad". By doing so I was denying the essence of who I am - a human being created by God to experience all He has for me, the good and the bad. So I'm working on it. When the bad times come (and they do) I'm trying to feel the pain of my brokenness and bring it before God, much as the Psalmist did in Psalm 88. And when the good times are here I'm trying to enter into them and enjoy them, bringing my joy before Him just as I did my brokenness. It's not easy. I've a lifetime of habits to change, but it's worth it. I'm learning to embrace the tears and pain just as much as the laughter!!

I'm standing my ground

What desperation there is in this Psalm! What pain, anger, betrayal and abandonment the Psalmist conveys! And it's all directed at God! What courage it takes to do that - to be gut level honest with God about how you feel toward Him in your darkest hours. Yet even in the midst of his pain, the Psalmist declares, "I'm standing my ground, God, shouting for help" (vs 13 Msg). As hurt and angry as he is - even though God is silent and the Psalmist feels abandoned - his faith is strong! He plants his feet and says "I'm here! Even though I can't see or hear you, I know You're here, too. I'm not moving. I'll stand here in my pain as long as it takes." I believe this is the essence of Grace Groups - allowing ourselves to feel the deepest, darkest pain imaginable, knowing that even though it seems we are alone our God is with us. I believe that even though He knows that we are hurting, He wants us to express that pain to Him, much as the Psalmist did. We cry out, we howl, we moan, we writhe in our pain and when we are exhausted from crying He's there and we realize He was holding us and crying with us and loving us. (A side note - Psalm 89 begins "You're love, God, is my song and I'll sing it").

Nothing is the same...

I wanted to respond to Sussy's question...I guess instead of reading I decided I'd watch The Passion again. Part of it was still so vivid in my mind from watching it last year and yet part of me was drawn to watching it all again so I never forget...parts I couldn't watch, parts encouraged me. Remember at times when He was teaching He'd talk about loving our enemies, with His dicisples He would tell them that if they/we loved Him that those who hated Him will also hate us. While carrying the cross in a passage way He fell and His mother ran to Him (remembering when He was small), He said to her something like "I make all things new". In everything Jesus went through NONE of it was deserved...I really can't understand God loving any of us enough to put His Son through all He suffered. It makes no sense...neither does forgiving our enemies, or those who do evil and need to be brought to justice...but then NOTHING I watched in The Passion makes any sense to me either...all things will be new, different. What does He mean? Different? Different from how and what I think should be done? None of us, the righteous, the religious, the evil, the sinners, the saved...none of us deserve His forgiveness. After watching and seeing all the blood that was shed through out His suffering, I am humbled just thinking that my sins (the sins of the world) are washed away in His shed blood. For some reason, I'm finding it easier to admit that NOTHING in my walk with Christ, nothing going on in this world makes sense. It is almost certain that if I think something should be done a certain way...like giving justice out to those who deserve it, rejoiceing when the evil get punished..I can almost bank on it...Everything will be different, ie. NOT my way but His. He will judge and He will forgive whom He choses...I don't get His thinking, or understand His heart...It just seems so often to be just the opposite of my heart. Someday, all things will be new...and exactly as He desires them to be. "All thing will be new" and they will make sense to us then...just not yet.

Fat Cats

I am so stoked! My Bible Psalm 72:7 says,"These fat cats have everything their hearts could ever wish for!" The psalmist is describing envying the proud and wicked--living a life of ease and plenty. Then realizing how senseless that is--that we are in his right hand, guiding us, leading us to a glorious destiny. Awesome.

I was wondering...Proverbs 24:17-18 says, "Don't rejoice when your enemies fall; don't be happy when they stumble. For the Lord will be displeased with you and will turn his anger away from them." Is this different from the many psalms that pray for enemies to fall? Is that praying for justice--not delighting in the downfall of the wicked? In my mind, I thought that they were the same...but I'm not thinking so much now.

the evil spirit knew what I sometimes doubt

Luke 4:31-36
I was challenged by what the evil spirit shouted..."Ha! What do you want with us, Jesus of Nazareth,....I know who you are--the Holy One of God." There are days I'm not AMAZED with His teaching. I struggle with His authority, His timing, even His gentleness that cast out the demons that threw the man down (I'm sure the evil spirits would have wanted to destroy the man) but "they" came out without injuring him. That had to be God's authority over evil.

So...in the space of three verses I'm questioning; His authority, Who He is, His care for people, His gentleness, His power. As His child I struggle with these things...the Who He is things. I'm humbled by an evil spirit who didn't second guess or question my Jesus but knew Who He was/is.

I want to say,"I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! THE HOLY ONE OF GOD!! ...so I will trust You.