Psalm 89

I think it's fascinating that Psalm 88 which is full of despair and pain and searching for God is followed by a Psalm that sings His praises!! The last line of Psalm 88 says: "You made lover and neighbor alike dump me; the only friend I have left is Darkness." (Msg). The first line of Psalm 89 says: "Your love O God is my song, and I'll sing it! I'm forever telling everyone how faithful you are." Not so long ago I would have been totally confused by the stark contrast of these lines, but in the last few months I've begun to understand this a bit more. I used to be afraid of this aspect of God - the one that was so unpredictable, the one that could create such mixed feelings within me. If my life was going well I wouldn't allow myself to enjoy it - I was always waiting for the "other shoe to drop" (as my Grandma used to say) - all because I was afraid of the the unpredictable nature of God. I wouldn't let myself feel "good" because I didn't want to feel "bad". By doing so I was denying the essence of who I am - a human being created by God to experience all He has for me, the good and the bad. So I'm working on it. When the bad times come (and they do) I'm trying to feel the pain of my brokenness and bring it before God, much as the Psalmist did in Psalm 88. And when the good times are here I'm trying to enter into them and enjoy them, bringing my joy before Him just as I did my brokenness. It's not easy. I've a lifetime of habits to change, but it's worth it. I'm learning to embrace the tears and pain just as much as the laughter!!